Love Them Now
Love Them Now. Don’t wait
till they’re gone away.
Love Them Now,
while they’re around.
Touch them, hold them,
laugh and cry with them.
Show them, tell them,
don’t deny with them.
Honor them, give birth
and die with them now.
Love Them Now before
they’re just a guilty mem’ry.
Love Them Now.
Love Them Now.
Love Them Now, Avery & Marsh, ©1971
It was sudden. On the golf course–healthy–only 70–husband–father–grandfather–brother–firstborn–first in death. Like our dad, my brother had a massive coronary.
Ken, my two sisters and I share a family history of heart attacks at a young age. We have the same genes. His death reminds me: life is short; life is precious. I ponder my own mortality.
I began this article with the lyrics of Love Them Now for a reason. Yes, it’s important that we show our love for those closest to us before THEY die, but it’s especially important that do so before WE leave our loved ones behind.
I’ve seen grief without preplanning; I’ve seen grief that’s been anticipated and planned for. Believe me, the second is far better! Love Them Now! Don’t put off planning for your own death. Your loved ones will grieve with a deep and profound experience of the depth of your love for them.
In his death, I witnessed and felt Ken’s love. He “loved us now!” In specific and concrete ways, he made arrangements and planned for the time he would exchange his mortality for immortality in the love of God.
Here are some specific ways you can Love Them Now.
Love Them Now: Share your desires:
- Talk with your family, your closest friends and your pastor. Share your desires about everything listed below. You can’t expect your family to follow your wishes unless you make them known.
Love Them Now: Caregiver:
- If you are the primary care giver for a loved one, arrange for their care when you are no longer able to provide that care.
- Make plans for your own care should you no longer be able to care for yourself. Your loves ones will want to do what they can. They will appreciate your planning if your needs are best provided by home care givers, assisted living and/or nursing care.
Love Them Now: Driving:
- Get rid of the car keys before your loved ones are forced to take them away from you. You’ll avoid one of the most difficult and potentially divisive conversations you’ll ever have.
- Consider selling the car to a grandchild or donating it to your favorite charity.
Love Them Now: Your home and “stuff:”
- If at all possible, begin to downsize your living arrangements. Consider moving to a smaller home.
- Begin going through your belonging’s and possessions even if you remain in the home you have been in for years. Begin getting rid of your “stuff”. Decide what you want to go to your heirs, to donate to charity, to keep and to throw away.
- Once you have decided, begin implementing your decisions. Only keep those things that truly enhance your living today. Your loved one’s will be eternally grateful and you will be guaranteed to see that your desires are followed.
Love Them Now: Advance Directives
- Designate a medical power of attorney. If because of accident or illness, you are unable to make decisions about your care who will? Designate someone you trust and someone who will follow your wishes.
- Prepare a Living Will. What are your wishes about life support and “heroic” measures if these leave you in a vegetative state or only postpone the inevitable. What do YOU want?
- What are your wishes regarding organ and/or whole body donation?
- Go on line yourself or ask someone to go online for you to obtain forms you can fill out yourself. Google “Ohio Living Wills,” or try this site http://www.morrowcountyhospital.com/pages/advance_directives.htm
- Make sure these documents are in the hands of your health care providers, your family and your pastor.
Love Them Now: Meet With Your Attorney
- Prepare a Will and make sure it is up to date. You will reduce or eliminate the potential for conflict, hurt and broken family relationships. This is the only way to ensure that your “stuff” goes where you want it to go when you no longer need it. You should have an attorney for this one.
- Consider a Planned Gift to your church or favorite charity. This gives you a way to continue your support long after you have any personal need for your assets. Talk to your attorney and/or financial planner.
- Your attorney can also help if you decide to donate your car or your home.
Love Them Now: Your Funeral
- Choose a funeral home. Don’t leave it to your family. They’ll already be in shock and grief. You’ll show your love for them by making some of these most basic decisions.
- Your body. Let your wishes be know regarding your body when you no longer have any need for it: Donate your organs and/or whole body; buy a cemetery plot if you want burial; arrange for your ashes to be buried or scattered if you want cremation.
- Preplanning. Talk with your funeral director and pastor about preplanning options. They’ll be more than glad to help. Here are some things to think about:
- The Wake. When, where and how would you like friends and family to gather to share their grief, express their condolences and say “good-bye” if your body is present?
- Worship. Meet with your pastor to discuss the service of worship to celebrate your life. Generally, either a Funeral is held at the time of burial or a Memorial Service held at a later date.
D Gene Kraus 